


rite of passage

by theglitterati



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Humor, This is borderline crack, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24157195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theglitterati/pseuds/theglitterati
Summary: Tanaka and Nishinoya get their underclassmen drunk for the first time, then lose half of them.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 85





	rite of passage

**8:00 pm**

“Gather ‘round, fledgling crows!”

“Stop calling us that!”

“Quiet Kageyama!” Tanaka pressed both hands together in a prayer-like gesture. “Tonight,” he said dramatically, “is a very special evening. Noya-san and I are about to teach you all an important lesson, one that will help you be cool, like your senpai. A lesson you will, in time, pass on to your own underclassmen. A lesson that, when learned completely, will make you fun at parties, and—”

“We’re getting drunk, bros!” Noya interrupted, summing the evening’s agenda up. “WOOOOO!”

“This is so lame.”

“No one cares about your opinion, Tsukishima,” Tanaka said. “Now, everyone, take a beer!” Nishinoya passed out cans from the fridge.

Yachi put up her hand. “Um, do I have to drink, too?”

Tanaka placed a beer in her raised hand. “Of course, little one! You’re part of the team!”

“Oh… okay…” Yachi looked like she didn’t know whether to be happy to be included or scared to participate.

Now Tadashi raised his hand. “Can I just say again that I think this is a really, really bad idea, and that something bad is definitely going to happen, and Daichi is gonna find out and we’re all gonna get in trouble?”

“It’s been noted,” Tanaka said. “But don’t worry; Dad-chi won’t find out. No one will!”

“Well, Big Sis will find out when she realizes her beer is gone,” Noya pointed out.

Tanaka waved him off. “There’s so much, she won’t even notice. Now, everyone got one? Open them!” There was an echo of  _ pops! _ as everybody opened their cans. “Great. Ready?  _ Kanpai!” _

_ “Kanpai!” _ They all took a drink.

Hinata was the first to give up. “It’s yucky!”

“It’s a little gross at first,” Noya said, “but the more you drink, the better it will taste!”

“What do you think, Kageyama?” Hinata asked. “Hey, Kageyama — what are you doing?” What he was doing was chugging his beer and staring at Tsukishima, who was doing the same. Neither wanted to stop first.

“Nothing wrong with a little competition,” Tanaka said. “Whoa! Okay, not that much!” Kageyama had finished his beer and was reaching for a second. “Slow down there, buddy!”

“No fair!” Hinata yelled. “Now I have to catch up!”

**8:30 pm**

“Whoa. Can you feel that?”

“Feel what?”

“It’s like, pow! And like, bwaaaaah. But also like, fizzzzzz.”

Tadashi nodded seriously. “Totally.”

“I FEEL REALLY WEIRD,” Yachi said. “AM I TALKING REALLY LOUD?”

_ “So _ loud,” Noya confirmed.

A low chuckle sounded through the room. “What the— what’s— Kageyama,  _ are you laughing!?” _ Hinata sputtered.

Kageyama giggled so hard he could barely talk. “It’s funny… ‘cause normally, she’s really quiet… hahaha…” 

“Hahahaha!” Hinata agreed. The two of them dissolved into chuckles, rolling around on the floor.

“Wow, Kageyama,” Tsukki said seriously. “I didn’t know you were even capable of laugh—  _ *hic*!”  _ He slapped a hand over his mouth as Tadashi and Yachi screamed with joy.

**9:00 pm**

Tanaka draped himself over Hinata and Kageyama’s legs. “Have I ever told you guys how much I love you?”

“You tell us all the time!”

Tanaka did not seem to hear Kageyama, or else he was just ignoring him. “Because I really, really do! You’re all like… like little snowflakes, so unique, and precious.”

“Don’t cry, Tanaka!” Hinata said. “It’s okay!”

“Even you, Tsukishima!” Tanaka yelled across the room. “I love you, too, Tsukki!”

“Bah, don’t tell him that,” Hinata said. “He’ll probably say it’s gross.”

“He would never! Right, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima straightened his glasses. “The senpai-kouhai relationship is an important one, in both academics and sports. It ensures that younger students have a support system, and that older ones build responsibility. Due to the symbiotic nature of the relationship, the give and take of it, it makes perfect sense that some level of love is involved.”

The room was deadly silent.

“TSUKKI,” Yachi screeched. “YOU’RE LIKE SO SMART!”

“Tsukishima, you beautiful bastard!” Tanaka yelled, before launching himself across the room at Tsukki.

**9:30 pm**

“Noya-san, come down!”

“I’m pretty sure I can make it!”

“You definitely can’t!” Tadashi yelled. “You’re gonna hurt yourself!”

“It’s not that far of a jump!” Noya called back, pointing at the roof of Tanaka’s neighbour’s house.

“Who’s going to dig up serves if you die?”

“Not Hinata,” Kageyama put in. “He sucks at it.”

“Hey!”

“Noya,” Tanaka said. “If you come down, I’ll give you a present.”

Noya’s ears perked up. “A present?”

“Yup, but you have to get off the roof to get it!”

Noya looked wistfully at the other rooftop. “Fine,” he relented, climbing back down the trellis he’d used as a ladder. “But it better be good.” He hopped to the ground. “So what is it?”

“This!” Tanaka pulled him into a headlock and gave him a noogie, ruining his carefully-coiffed hair.

“I hate you! I hate youuuu!”

**10:00 pm**

*out of tune singing*

**10:30 pm**

“Tsukki, let me hug you!”

“Get off me, Tadashi.”

“But you need a hug!”

“HEY GUYS,” Yachi said. “WHERE DID HINATA AND KAGEYAMA GO?”

“I don’t think they ever came back inside,” Noya said.

“Oh my god,” Tanaka yelped, head in hands. “We lost our children!!!”

“Uh, it’s okay!” Tadashi said. He tried to stand up, but fell back down on his butt. “We can go look for them—”

“I’m calling Daichi,” Tanaka said immediately.

“What? No! You promised he wouldn’t find out!”

“I CAN’T LET THEM DIE OUT THERE!” Tanaka yelled.

“We’re going to die in here, because Daichi is going to kill us!”

“We need his help!”

Noya made a leap for Tanaka’s phone. “Don’t do it!”

A tinny, angry-sounding voice rang out of the speaker. “...Too late,” Tanaka whimpered.

**11:00 pm**

“You are all unbelievable!” Daichi paced around the living room, glaring at the five remaining party guests. “This was irresponsible, reckless, and just downright stu— Suga!”

Sugawara, who had accompanied their captain on his late-night mission, put down the beer he was drinking behind Daichi’s back. “Sorry!”

Tanaka prostrated himself in front of them. “We know, and we’re really sorry! But right now, we need to go find Hinata and Kageyama!”

“Kiyoko’s out looking for them now,” Daichi said.

Tanaka’s head whipped up. “You sent Kiyoko-san out there alone!? In the middle of the night! Oh my god, I gotta help her!”

“Relax,” Suga said. “Asahi’s with her.”

Nishinoya jumped up. “Asahi’s out there!? But he’s scared of the dark! Come on, we gotta go!” Noya and Tanaka dodged around Daichi and ran out the front door.

Daichi sighed deeply. “Great, now that’s four drunk idiots we have to find.”

“Only two,” Suga corrected. “Kiyoko just texted. She found the wonder twins.”

“Oh, good.” Daichi ran a hand through his hair, turning to the remaining team members. Tadashi and Yachi sat on the sofa, hovering over Tsukishima. “What are you three doing?”

“We are enjoying our youth while we can, for it is fleeting,” Tsukki postulated.

“...What?”

“We’re doing Tsukki’s hair,” Tadashi explained, holding up the tiny braid he was working on.

“Fine. Whatever. Can I trust you guys to stay here and not leave the house?”

“YOU CAN TRUST US, DAICHI-SAN,” Yachi said with a salute.

“Good. Suga, let’s— Suga. Put that down.”

Suga relinquished the beer. “Bleh, you’re no fun!”

**11:30 pm**

“Look at them,” Tanaka whispered. “They’re adorable.”

He and Nishinoya, loud as they were, had been easy for Daichi and Suga to round up and bring along to meet Kiyoko. They found her and Asahi at Karasuno. Hinata and Kageyama lay on the steps of the volleyball gym, both of them sound asleep.

“How did you find them, Kiyoko?”

“To catch a criminal, you have to think like a criminal,” Kiyoko said. “To catch Hinata and Kageyama…”

“...you have to think like two volleyball-obsessed toddlers,” Asahi finished.

“Do we have to wake them up?” Tanaka asked.

“They can’t sleep here.”

Suga stepped forward. “So, should we just poke them, or—?”

Nishinoya crouched down between the two of them. “WAKE UPPPPP!” he yelled.

“Ahh!” Hinata shot upright, slapping Kageyama in the face as he did.

“What!?” Kageyama sputtered. “You jerk! I’ll kill you!” They rolled around on the stairs, fighting.

“Asahi, you can do the honours.”

Asahi grabbed both of them by their shirts and threw them over his shoulders.

**Midnight**

“Nice pyjamas, Asahi-san!” Hinata said as they walked through the parking lot.

“Please stop touching my butt,” Asahi said politely.

“You’re all doing ten flying laps next practice,” Daichi said.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at kyrstin.tumblr.com.


End file.
